ABDF

Hi Everybody!

OK, many people come here and wonder how they’ll manage the bathroom situation. So I thought I had better give you the low-down on what, why, and more importantly, how. If you have delicate sensibilities, all I can do is quote: “you’d better buckle up – it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”

Ready?

When you walk into a Sri Lankan bathroom, especially at someone’s house, the first thing you’ll notice is that everything is wet. Don’t freak out. Sri Lankans tend to be very clean, and after washing themselves, it’s not uncommon for them to rinse down the floors as well. Also, showers are often no more than a showerhead sticking out of the wall next to the toilet, so floors can get pretty wet, especially if there’s a drip. If you walk into a bathroom that is all wet and shiny, you know that the owners work hard to keep it clean.

One thing I do notice is that here people keep the bathroom door shut. This often makes the bathroom extremely hot and humid, so expect to sweat whilst taking care of business.

Traditionally Sri Lankans use the so-called Eastern toilet. This typically consists of a small cubical with a porcelain basin imbedded in the ground. To either side of the oblong opening are raised foot pads. The basic functioning of all this is obvious: you stand on the footpads, astride the cavity below, and squat. In my own experience, you need to have really strong thighs to do this; in Kenya I had great thigh muscles after just a short while. The actual act, or rather either of the actual acts, is really easy, as you have your muscles pointing in the right direction and gravity assisting as well. In fact, there is generally less strain than when using our sit-down toilets. Everything just sort of descends naturally. Of course standing back up with any sort of balance, not to say dignity, is the trick; hence the need for well-developed leg muscles. I have wondered how the very old or the handicapped manage.

These sorts of toilets do not flush. The water used for cleaning will do the job, and afterwards an additional jug-full of water (see below) will make sure everything is sparkling.

Toilet paper is something of a mystery to Sri Lankans (“you mean you scrape yourself clean with a piece of dry paper?”), and they use the left hand for cleaning purposes. This then is the root of the left hand rule. Do not shake hands with your left hand, never eat with your left hand, give or receive things with your left hand, etc.

However, Sri Lanka is a land blessed with huge amounts of water, so cleaning is done wet. In the more primitive of bathrooms you’ll see a water spigot and a plastic jug. In virtually all private bathrooms, including those with sit-down toilets, you will see a short hose with a nozzle of the type we often have on kitchen sinks. Either way, it’s done the same way. Water is poured, down the front, into the nether regions where the left hand does its work. Things are then flushed away, or in the case of the pitcher, poured away. On very rare occasions you’ll find a nearby bidet for the same purpose.

It does require some practice, but eventually things can be managed quite efficiently.

In the past, Sri Lankan men wore sarongs and nothing else, while the women wore house dresses. Either way, it was a simple matter of lifting skirts and squatting. We Westerners, with our pants and undies around our ankles, find balance very difficult and usually end up in wildly awkward positions which tend to be less than effective. Historically this is why in the West we sit down.

If you are faced with a squat toilet, my advice to you is to take off your pants and underwear before squatting. Believe you me, it makes things much easier and faster. And drier. I don’t need to tell you to always wash your hands well afterwards; you should know that already.

Thankfully almost all middle and upper class bathrooms have sit down toilets, as do most large business establishments. Oft times cleaning is still done by water, so always bring a roll of paper with you. Don’t assume your host is completely westernized or that they think of your bathroom issues in their spare time.

Keep in mind that most plumbing is not designed to flush down a lot of material at one time. So use as little paper as you can. Not only will Cheryl Crowe love you for it, but it will avoid any embarrassing admissions to your host.

Toilet paper, by the way, is readily available in all but the most remote areas.

Toilet paper is exclusively a Western invention. Almost all other developed cultures use some variation of the left hand, usually with water. Or at least they did until we got them to change.

I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that in warm wet places there never was a need for toilet paper. But in the olden days up in cold Europe, undressing from the bottom down to take care of business, and especially to use a lot of water doing it, was impractical, especially during the long cold winters. Thus we westerners developed ways of dry cleaning, if you know what I mean.

It’s not normally what I do in Sri Lanka, but on those occasions when I have had to left hand it, I’ve noticed that I emerge from the experience much cleaner than usual. Think about after a bath or shower, and you’ll know what I mean. OK, OK, too much information, but people always seem to ask.

The upshot of all this is that while here your bathroom experience will not be traumatic. And if you do end up having to squat ‘n’ wash, think of it as a cultural experience. It really isn’t the end of the world. You will survive.