ABDF

Hi everybody!

Ok, so you’re walking down the street in Colombo, or Batticaloa, or in some small hamlet. On the street you will sometimes see public behavior that you might find shocking, repulsive, downright rude, or some combination of the three. So that you are prepared, I thought I’d write a few lines about what you might see. So in the best Miss Manners tradition, here we go:

Sri Lankans do not blow their noses. They might wipe a baby’s runny nose, but that’s about all you’ll see of anything approaching a handkerchief or tissue. Normally one nostril is pressed closed and a sharp exhale will clear the other one. I’ve seen this done by everyone from old ladies to young men, and it is apparently acceptable. Using a tissue is seen as a western habit.

More commonly, though, any debris will be snorted back then spat out. Spitting in public is acceptable.

I have never seen anyone picking their nose. I don’t know if this is due to more effective habits mentioned above, or if it is socially frowned upon, but there it is.

The upper classes usually keep a box of tissue somewhere, for example in the car. But I’ve never seen anyone actually use them, so I wonder if it isn’t more a sign of westernized status than anything else. Or perhaps a handy napkin. But I’m not sure on this.

Normally one doesn’t see a man without a shirt on the street, except in residential neighborhoods where someone might be, for example, talking to a neighbor. But it is common for men to go shirtless at home, unless there is company. Of course this is different in rural areas, where shirtlessness is far more common. Muslims always wear shirts, as do Christian men, largely. Hindus are the freest when it comes to this.

Women always cover up, to the degree that their culture and religion dictate.

Men will frequently reorganize their jiggle-y bits in public. Most of the time they are not groping themselves, merely making things more comfortable. So ladies, do not freak out if the man you’re talking to suddenly fiddles with his crotch. If he is being sexual, it will be obvious, but most of the time it is unconscious comfort-making.

From what I have heard, ogling from men can be a problem for the ladies. I’ve also heard that loud public shaming does very little to remedy the situation. So if you see someone staring at you, the best thing to do is ignore it. If touching is involved, turn to him and clearly say “One more time and I’ll break your fucking arm, motherfucker” or something thematically similar. Have a script in mind ahead of time, just in case, and be sure to be appropriately intense, in case he doesn’t speak English. I’ve heard tell that this can be most effective. I’ve also heard of ladies carrying open safety pins onto crowded buses so they can accidentally stab any offender who might attempt frottage or something similar.

Most of the leftover Victorian and Edwardian niceties that we follow are virtually unheard of here. “Excuse me” or “pardon me” are almost never said, so if someone bumps into you don’t expect to hear them. It’s not rudeness; they just don’t see the point saying anything. Doors are seldom opened for anyone, except if someone is hired for the purpose. So don’t take it amiss if the guy ahead of you lets the door close in your face.

“Thank you” and “You’re welcome” are not normally said. In most shops the employee will silently take your money, give you your change, then turn to the next customer, all without a word. As a Westerner, sometimes you will be thanked, but don’t count on it. To my great shock the first time he said it, I know one shopkeeper in Batticaloa who actually told me “Thank you, and come again!” Needless to say, I do go back.

Sri Lankans seem to hate lines, and will seldom queue up. Therefore it’s perfectly acceptable to muscle yourself to the front of the crowd. Loudest gets served quickest, as does the one waving cash.

When first meeting someone, if it is a man, go ahead and shake hands. This is acceptable even for Western women to do. If it is a woman, however, don’t unless she extends her hand first. Other than with the most westernized of women, Sri Lankan ladies never shake hands. Just smile and tell them how glad you are to meet them. Inter-sex embracing or kissing is never done, even among family members, except with little kids.

On the streets you will sometimes see men holding hands, or with arms around each other. Don’t mistake this for any sort of inclination; rather it is a sign of friendship. Gentlemen, know that Sri Lankan men tend to be physically expressive with each other; quick touches here and there are the norm among friends. It can take some getting used to, but there is no harm or expectation in it. Of course, if you have a no-touching attitude, it will be quickly sensed, and respected.

In general, treat others well; there is no harm in being the polite, considerate one. People are often appreciative, and sometimes even know how to express it. There is nothing wrong with encouraging civility, as for example, with my friend at that shop. Even if there is nothing said to me (it could be shyness over a lack of English, you know), I always say thank you and goodbye when I shop. You’d be surprised at the positive reactions you sometimes get.