ABDF

Monday, June 15, 2009

So last week a couple interesting things happened that I wanted to tell you about. One was odd, the other fun.

Last Wednesday I participated in what is seen to be a Hindu miracle. I had better give you some background.

Hinduism has a history of gurus and saints; that is to say religious teachers who preach, attain followers, and start religious schools or movements. Perhaps the most famous of all was the Buddha, who without realizing it ended up starting a new world-wide religion (I know, I know, many don’t consider Buddhism an actual religion but more or a philosophy or code of ethics– I’m using a short-cut term here). This tradition has continued unabated until our times. Remember the Beatles and their Maharishi Mahesh Yogi?

Unfortunately, Hindus are just as incredulous as the rest of us, and are willing to fervently believe in the holiness of anyone who can do a few tricks, or preach an easy comforting philosophy, or look the part of “sadhu” or holy man/woman, and has good PR instincts. And with the deep penetration of modern mass media, the more savvy of these gurus have become immensely influential, power, and above all, rich. And while there are a lot of sincere preachers out there, there are also a lot of unscrupulous ones out to make it big for reasons OTHER than religion.

Before we get smug, let’s remember that we have these guys in the West too, and most frequently in America. All those televangelists? Charlatans, albeit rich charlatans with millions of fanatical unquestioning followers. And how many times have we secretly laughed when there is a new report of the Virgin Mary being seen on a piece of toast, or a newly-cleaned window? So we do it too. It’s just that when a Hindu does it, to us it seems more exotic, which makes it either more intriguing in our eyes (how else to explain the Western proclivity for Eastern cults?) or more silly.

So this is my opinion. Most Hindu preachers, as well as Christian, Buddhist, etc are sincere in their belief and in what they say. I don’t agree with a lot of it, but that’s a separate issue. I distrust those who say they talk with God; in my mind that is a sign of schizophrenia. I severely distrust those who claim to be divine; particularly those who say they are God or a god. Even the Buddha, who was one of history’s great thinkers, adamantly proclaimed that he was in no way divine, but merely a man with an idea.

I absolutely reject those preachers and so-called holy men/women who make a lot of money off their religion. For example, those American televangelists, aside from cherry-picking what they want to believe from the Bible (remember Jesus preached modesty and poverty and humility) have way too much self-interest in the money-making side of their ministries. This tells me they are more interested in money than Jesus. Didn’t Jesus chase the money-changers out of the Temple? I don’t understand why American Christians don’t do the same.

OK back on track. I’m afraid that here I’m going to offend some of my Hindu friends.

One of the biggest money-maker guru setup is a husband and wife team who call themselves by one name, Amma Bahavan. She’s Amma, Tamil for Mother, he’s Bahavan, which is a Hindu religious honorific. Part of their Thing is reverence of the parents, as they are the ones who created you. According to Amma Bahavan, this makes them your gods, so to speak, and they should be reverenced (and obeyed unquestioningly) accordingly.

OK, while I don’t agree 100%, so far it doesn’t seem too bad. Whatever. But the problem is that Amma Bahavan offers a program for immediate enlightenment, and here is where it gets ugly. To become enlightened, you have to take an ever-changing set of seminars that are REALLY expensive. Like $7,000 for a few days. And not only do they charge this to stupid, gullible Westerners, but also to Indians, not matter how poor. Some have taken out loans and put themselves in debt for decades in order to be able to attend a few days of classes and have a 30-second meeting with the prophet Bahavan. This sect is so rich, they recently opened a HUGE temple complex, complete with marble columns and floors and gilt architectural accents that is, according to reports, FOURTEEN times the size of the Taj Mahal. I can’t tell you if this is true, but I have seen pictures of the place; it’s bright white and incredibly massive.

So what does this all have to do with me? Reverence for Amma Bahavan is widespread among Tamils in Sri Lanka, second only to the (in)famous and problematic Sai Baba, who is even better at PR than Amma Bahavan, and a whole other kettle of fish. So most people I know believe that Amma Bavan are/is God, or at least holy prophets.

One ritual associated with Amma Bahavan in the Moving Sandal (my capital letters). There is a sandal on an altar before a picture of the couple. The sandal has a normal shaped sole, and a nob to go between the big and second toes. In other words; no straps. It is made of metal, and intricately decorated. If you touch the sandal with your fingertips, and a devotee chants, the sandal will slide towards the picture, without the toucher providing any force. Alternatively, the supplicant holds his hands palms down over the sandal, which then moves of its own accord when the chanting commences.

I’ve seen this several times. Or rather, I have seen the hands above the sandal version, with no result whatsoever. One friend of mine actually became depressed when he made a plea and the sandal didn’t move for him. However, there is a lady down the street from where I live who has a reputation of infallible movement. So I asked the family I lived with, and Vihas took me to her house.

There was a small alter on a low table, with a large picture of Amma Bahavan. The altar had in the center a round metal tray, with flowers ringing it. In the middle of the tray were two tiny metal sandals, about an inch long. Already I was disappointed; I wanted a big life-sized one. I placed my index fingers on the sandals, one on each, and pressed down with semi-moderate force. They didn’t move. Then the lady began to chant and Lo! the slippers began to move forward! They only moved and inch or so, but they did move.

I can tell you that I exerted no forward force, only a little downward. When they moved it felt as though they suddenly had tiny wheels underneath. It was a sliding/rolling feeling, not a dragging or scraping one. Or like it was suddenly being pulled forward magnetically.

I’m not sure how it works. It certainly wasn’t me; and my mind was blank, whereas you are usually supposed to ask for something. I could think of several explanations, though. Perhaps this metal is such that it slightly liquefies or gels with body heat (or maybe pressure), and it slides across the metal tray? Sort of like what happens when ice skating. I don’t know. The tiny size of the sandals and the fact I was touching them makes me suspicious. Of course, out of respect, I didn’t pick up and examine anything. But it didn’t seem particularly miraculous, or at least no more miraculous than seeing the image of Jesus in a dinner roll. Now if it had been a big sandal, and I hadn’t been touching it, then I might have been impressed.

Of course, the whole thing is very circular. If the sandal doesn’t move, then the problem is with you, not the ritual. Similar to Amma Bahavan’s enlightenment courses, which never work and mean you need to take more advanced (and expensive) workshops. Failure doesn’t actually cause the person to question the validity of the ritual or faith; it causes him to question his own validity. This was the case of my friend Sothi. When that stupid sandal didn’t move he became very depressed. It was after all, his failure not Amma Bahavan’s. Sound like a cult to anyone?

One to something more fun.

Saturday I tried my hand at making dahl from scratch. Dahl is a sort of curried lentil dish. It’s very basic food here, and I love it. I had all the ingredients and a general description from a friend on how to make it. So after soaking the lentils all day, I put them in my big pot to boil, and began prepping the other ingredients (garlic, chilies, etc). Thiru came upstairs and saw me cooking, and I asked her a couple of questions about how she makes it. She immediately called downstairs to amma, the family matriarch, telling her that I was asking about dahl. Zoom! Up the stairs came amma and she proceeded to walk me through everything. Now, amma hardly speaks any English, but it was very easy to keep up. We had a good time. And I’ve gotta say that the result was fantastic.

I’ve been trying to get my female friends to show me how to cook Sri Lankan food. It’s harder to do than you would think. Most women don’t write anything down; they helped their mothers cook, and over the years learned everything instinctually. So women don’t measure what they are using; they just know. Culturally it isn’t appropriate for a man to hang out in the kitchen with a woman, particularly among Muslims. Usually the best I can get is a list of ingredients. So it was great to have amma come up and cook in my kitchen, with me there. She’s an excellent cook; her eggplant curry is my favorite dish on the whole island. So I think I stumbled upon a new strategy; buy ingredients and appeal for help.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with Suja at his house. Suja, you will recall, is my oldest friend in Batti, and owns a little roadside shop in which I like to hang out with him. Yesterday he had the day off, so I went to his house in Kallady for lunch. There was dahl, of course, so I chatted with his new wife about how she makes hers. (Incidentally, there are a million ways to make it, and every housewife has her own version.) After lunch, she went for a nap, so Suja and I got on his computer to watch a movie. It was a 1980’s Arnold Schwarzenegger flop called “Commando.” It was very funny; we had a good time making laughing at it.

Aside from Hindi and Tamil Bollywood movies, American action films are immensely popular here, with the James Bond movies being the favorites. The term they use is “Attack Film.” As we all know, most action flicks are very B-movie and of poor quality. But in Sri Lanka, they eat them up. The cheese factor doesn’t seem to matter much. Incidentally, what we call Science Fiction, they call “Discovery.”

Well, I wish I could have something new to say about our projects, but I don’t. This week I’m supposed to go to the opening ceremony at our computer lab in Vantharamoolai, and also to the one for our water tank in Mangikkadu. I’ll be sure to let you know how those go.

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